Friday, August 2, 2013
all that and a bag of chips
We talked. Talked some more. I yelled. Sick to my core. At one point I tried to say something, but nothing came out. My mouth twisted and pierced and tried to form the words. I knew what I wanted to say, but as a mom, you can't very well say to your kid that they are being a fucking idiot. No. You just can't say that. So I tried again to find the right words. Pphsshs PPHSsssss That's all that came out. I threw my hands in the air and then grabbed my own head to stop my brains from oozing out of my ears. Defeated. Deflated. Silence.
Only a few times have I ever thought that I could be screwing my kids up for life. We all do that, don't we. We just want the very best for them. We are here to guide them, teach them, love them, support them. We want them to be all that and a bag of chips, baby. And they probably are all that. Even in the disagreements. Even when we think we know what's best for them, but they have another idea of what's best for them. Even though what I want for him is not what he wants for himself, and even though I am right, he is doing what I taught him. -Go for what he loves. Do what makes him happy. Like what you do and do what you like in life. Shit, I did tell my kids that, didn't I. And he listened. And now he's applying it!
We're at a crossroad here. He's making a call about what he wants or doesn't want for his life right now. We're bumping heads. I already feel regret for him. I hope he's right and he will never feel the regret and I will get over it. It's hard.
I love you, son. No matter what, I will always be here to guide you, teach you, love you, and support you. I will always be your biggest fan. Always. And no matter what, to me, you'll always be all that and a bag of chips, baby.
Irony: I taught my kid to talk, and yesterday he had me standing there with no words. No English language. I guess it happens. pphhsssshh